AAAAAAH!

The frustration of not being able to complete a task on time or the way I’d like to is maddening. I try different angles to try and solve the problem. But the mistakes keep piling up. I get antsy. I move around. Take a few minutes to get away then back to it. Met with errors again. 

I rethink all my choices so far. Do I push forward, or do I take a few steps back? Is going back defeat? Is pushing forward weakness? I fantasize both ideas. My mind paces back and forth. The path forward might lead to more frustration, while the other might lead to more regret.

I crave the click of accomplishing a task. I look for cheats – playing with a pet, eating food, doom-scrolling. None of them compares to the hit I know I’ll get when I solve the problem. 

I get angry. My mind is loud with the images and sounds of chucking my phone across the room. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. 

Fuck this problem, and the system. I want my freedom back and I want everything to click. I need to fix this to get my fix.