Just Dance
You ever get that feeling or urge to meet people or be around people? Like a surge of love and affection that propels you to go meet and interact with new people and share the vibe.
I've noticed this hits me when I've been alone for too long, or around a time of the year which calls for celebration. I don't even have to feel particularly good about myself, I've felt this sometimes on extremely low days, like an aggressive catapult out of a rut.
The need to embrace chaos, let go, and be vulnerable with others. Embracing chaos and uncertainty doesn't come naturally to me, although I do have some experience simply from having no other options, just taking on the various fights of life, or with the help of substances.
About 2 drinks in, inhibitions have tanked, and I reach a state of "nothing can kill my vibe. I am the vibe." It makes me want to dance with another person, literally, and even verbally. I'll pull you to the dance floor, I'll hug you, be more physical, flirt more. I want to talk more, share more about my life with you, ask more questions about yours.
But I can see fleeting sparks of that when I'm sober, and I've begun exploring that way more these past few years since throwing away the crutch of substances. I've ignored the impulse to explore that feeling more because I've confused being vulnerable with being low energy, and it's not. I can dance with vulnerability. I can be vulnerable and still be fun. It's out of a practiced habit that I default to it.
At a pub quiz I attended solo recently because I couldn't find a friend to go with me that day. I ended up teaming up with a team of two younger men and we ended up coming in second! I had a great time, sipping on my cold brew tonic. I playfully held one of their shoulders, saying we go all in to stake our points. Triumphant high fives and fist bumps when we got answers right. Made jokes about the lives we lead outside of quizzing. I felt them feeding me back their energy as the event progressed and we weren't afraid of silent moments. Something previously would probably take some alcohol.
It has taken me a long time to fully understand that flirting is just meeting another person on a higher vibe and dancing with each other in our vulnerability.
It's much more potent, with women, obviously. I've misread the vibe on some occasions, and tried to reset it with a joke or continued interaction past the awkwardness, and it usually doesn’t work out - lingering embarrassment, or just taking the L and moving on. It's much easier to flirt with women who I have no intention with, other than play - friends, women who have partners, or much older women.
When there's an purpose involved, flirting becomes difficult. I get too caught up in the end result - bargaining with a shopkeeper, getting a favour from a friend, getting out of a ticket, securing a date, escalating to sex. f we both know the end result, or are competing for one, I often trip because I don't know how to dance. There are levels to this game. Sometimes I get too caught up in the end result, or how I feel about myself, or how I seem to others instead of just running with my vibe. It's much harder with all my guards up. I lose track of the plot instead of just flirting with the other for the sake of flirting.
How can I learn to impulsively catch those fleeting sparks of flirty energy and run with it... with anyone?
Isn't it better to just play and flirt without knowing how to at different levels, than to not flirt at all?
Fuck it. Cue Lady Gaga.
Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm.