Self-Induced Crisis

When I first injured myself with a slipped disc last year, I began trying to heal myself holistically. I rejected pain medication, except on days when the pain didn't allow me to sleep. It made me foggy and dazed, and, well, I didn't enjoy the trip. There's nothing that can be done about the disc from the outside. The body has to just heal on its own - and that will take a lot of time. All I could do was assist it.

During this time, I began to fast daily and aggressively. 20-hour fasts every day, 48-hour fasts every 2 weeks, 72-hour fasts every 2 months. I was desperate to rid myself of the pain, and the desperation helped me commit to intermittent fasting.
After I had healed more than halfway, I was comfortable tackling other physiological challenges. I used fasting to get rid of medication I used for my skin. I've done this before without fully understanding it, but now I did it with more conviction. This went on for a few months as I used the long fasts to dampen the withdrawal symptoms of my long-term medication and to reset my skin to baseline.

This last year wasn't my first time trying intermittent fasting. I already had some experience doing it while I was working as a tutor years prior, and my timings were 2 PM to 10 PM. Very odd timings, and the nature of the job required me to be "on" all the time. It didn't give me much time to have a proper meal, so I naturally adapted to completing my daily meals much earlier. I was involuntarily intermittent fasting, and that's when I truly saw the benefits. I studied and learned about it the more I did it. It's the single most important test I've put myself through - one that has taught me about myself. Apart from crisis. Because fasting itself is putting your body in a sort of crisis mode.

But today, when the threat of disease isn't present, I find it much more challenging to go into these long fasts and stay in them. Intentionally. I've always had issues with eating. I've noticed I eat when I'm feeling low or bored. But lately, it has become much easier to slip up and eat, succumbing to whatever excuse is playing in my mind that day. It's almost as if I'm avoiding the crisis and the pain, despite knowing all the benefits. I've proven to myself I can stay in control during a bodily crisis, but what about a self-induced one? One where there's no other emotion to fuel my desire to get through it.

That's the training I seek now with the fasts, so I can answer these questions for myself. What will I do when I run out of fuel? Am I able to create fuel myself? When did emotion stop being a fuel and become a crutch? Where are the boundaries of my self-reliance?
I'm excited to find out the answers and what they'd reveal about me. So right now, I'm just curious for answers. And more questions. That's what fuels me as I go into a 72-hour fast.